i want somebody to miss


and somebody to miss me.


What's this, just what am I thinking? I'd really like to know. It's coming close to a good 8 years, 2 years shy of a decade - why the complains? Why grouse?

It doesn't matter anymore, but what really annoys me is that I keep coming back to this point in my life, the one I'd walked away from 8 years ago. An invisible leash, pulling me back to where I left my heart behind... It never stops.

I've said this for the millionth time, every time I fall back here... It hurts when it all gets to me. It hurts so much, everything becomes numb. But the numbness doesn't block anything out at all. In fact, it burns, it burns... and swallows everything...

Aber, ich werde es wieder sagen, ich bin traurig, wirklich traurig... und einsam.


there's just so much the shards of my heart can tolerate
there's just so much strength i have left to keep up with this
there's just so many faces, masquerades, lies that remains to cover up this mess


before it all falls to pieces
beyond redemption